Apparently you make a good broom.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
