what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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