My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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