Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
