she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
