How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
