ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
