well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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