I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
