I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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