So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
