If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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