i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
