70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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