party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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