Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jerry, you need to find god
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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