everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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