I met the friendliest cop last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
