Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
