the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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