I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
