I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
