Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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