there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
