take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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