I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
