She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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