We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
