how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
