I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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