I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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