My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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