I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
