bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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