it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
