I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
