I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
