I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
