Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
