I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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