I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
