i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
