At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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