i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
