Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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