I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
