pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
