just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
