i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
