Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
