My friends, they love my intelligence
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
